*sigh*

I got mixed emotion today....

Happy 'coz I get to see my baby "in my tummy" I got ultrasound today and I got his/her picture with me, and it's facing in front of the "camera" =)
(I don't know yet the gender 'coz it's only 14 weeks and it will not be that visible yet).
hmmm...feeling ko nga kamukha ko eh (thank GOD!)...hehe...katuwa nga eh! sympre tuwa din nmn ang daddy @ ang lolo, mas xcited pa ata! ha ha (after check up tawag agad sa phone to check if the baby's OK, my contract na nga ang APO...sila daw mag aalaga!....*/me...oh sure why not!!!...Para sa inyo talaga to honestly! =))


Oh well, I can feel Christmas! s***!!!
I wanted to go home...not this Christmas though but on January....but I can't!!! ='(
Now, I just can't do anything I wish to do...I can't be carefree or careless anymore! (oh being a married woman is like this!...I just realized!).


I wanted to see my family back home...I wanted to see my friends...But my life is different now... my "family" is here...and I just can't leave him alone!!!
( I have to face the fact that "M-Y- L-I-F-E- I-S- D-I-F-F-E-R-E-N-T- N-O-W!!!")
Oh..I'll miss Tita and her family 'coz I heard they're all coming home....hayyy..../me hinga malalim
(Ayoko na lang isipin kc it makes me sad).

I have may reasons naman to go home...But I have to listen to his reasons as well...so 'yon...
( I wanted to be a "GOOD" wife nman kahit pano...


.




..




...



And still learning =))


Pasko na!!!!!
And...my wish for christmas???!!!
I bet you know! ....(do you?)

42 days before Christmas hayyyy...time really flies so fast...MYGULAYYY!!! So many things happened this year for me and nxt year panibago na naman...As in sobrang mababago talaga mundo ko! But I'm pretty excited though.

Oh well
.

..

...

still I can't hide the fact that I missed my "old, boring, care-free" life. I missed my old friends (as always) esp. my B-friend...I missed us being together...we being care-free and all, esp spending Christmas together (the simbang gabi's...haaaayyy...the Star City or EK trips)! But we can't go back now...WE have separate lives now...I have a new life now and I'm happy with what I have now! I'm happy with my life (and I just wish she is too).

Ok ok it's just the weather...magpapasko na kc eh! I always felt this way tuwing malapit na mag pasko eh....ewan ko nga ba!


Oh well, just heard this Christmas jingle at ito naman ang bagong theme song ko this year!


TULOY NA TULOY PA RIN ANG PASKO

O bakit kaya tuwing Pasko ay
dumarating na
ang bawa’t isa’y para bang
namomroblema
hindi mo alam ang regalong ibibigay
ngayong kay hirap na nitong ating buhay
Meron pa kayang caroling at noche buena
kung tayo naman ay kapos at wala nang pera
nakakahiya kung muling pagtaguan mo
ang ‘yong mga inaanak sa araw ng Pasko.

Ngunit kahit na anong mangyari
ang pag-ibig sana’y maghari
sapat nang si Hesus ang kasama mo
tuloy na tuloy parin ang pasko
Mabuti pa nga ang Pasko noong isang taon
sa ating hapag mayroong keso de bola’t hamon
baka sa gipit, Happy New Year mapo-postpone
at ang hamon ay mauuwi sa bagoong

Ngunit kahit na anong mangyari
ang pag-ibig sana’y maghari
sapat nang si Hesus ang kasama mo
tuloy na tuloy parin ang pasko

Ngunit kahit na anong mangyari
ang pag-ibig sana’y maghari
sapat nang si Hesus ang kasama mo
tuloy na tuloy parin ang pasko

Tuloy na tuloy pa rin (Tuloy na tuloy pa rin)
tuloy na tuloy pa rin (Tuloy na tuloy pa rin)
tuloy na tuloy pa rin ang Pasko
tuloy na tuloy pa rin ang Pasko

The Greatest Gift

Last month was my birthday and yes I've got the best gift ever!!!! the greatest gift that every woman could ask for... But the thing is I cannot see it yet not until after NINE MONTHS!!! oh well...yes you bet!!! IT'S CONFIRMED =)

Though I'm very excited I cannot hide the fact that I'm really afraid...

...Of what?!


...Oh I don't know


...Maybe of carrying him/her for 9 months...of giving birth...of the child's future...of the unknown! dammit!!!

..... hmm.... Am I still normal?! waaaaaaaa..... is this what you call "motherhood JITTERS" (if there's such a word)....mas mahirap yung feeling kesa sa magpakasal...HONESTLY!

>>> Hindi ako nagrereklamo or something honestly I'm very grateful and I'm very proud kase di pala ako baog (Thank Goodness!)

.

..

...

I'm just really afraid =(

.

..

...

But still thankful...And Proud (ay paulit ulit lang...hangkulit!!!)


CONGRATULATION TO ME to US and the SOON-to-be GRAND PARENTS!!! he he he

Surbey

Since wala akong maisip na isulat dito sa blog ko (boring kase buhay ko tlga eh...hehehe) sasagot n lang ako ng mga ilang katanungang may kinalaman sa akin (duh! natural kanino pa ba! bwahehehe)
Sleep with or without clothes on?	with clothes on
Prefer black or blue pens?	hmmm..Black.
Dress up on Halloween?	nope..i don't go on halloween party
Like to travel?	yup
Like Someone?	of course!
Do they know?	yes
Who sleeps with you every night?	my hubby who else?!
Think you're attractive?	uhmmm....for me yes! *winks*
Want to get married?	just married...hehe
To:	my Di
Are you a good student?	I can say I am
Are you currently happy?	yes i am
Have you ever cheated?? Been cheated on?	I have been cheated! to bad...tsk tsk tsk
Birthplace?	Valenzuela, Philippines
Christmas or Halloween?	Chritmas definetely!
Colored or black-and-white photo?	colored
Do long distance relationships work?	yup...it did work for us...so I can say yes! Depende na lng kung pano i-handle ng nasa relasyon yon.
Do you believe in astrology?	not really...
Do you believe in love at first sight?	I used to
Do you consider yourself the life of the party?	nah...
Do you drink?	before uu...pero now nkikita ko pa lng ung alak NASUSUKA nko...don\'t know why!
Do you make fun of people?	no that\'s bad!
Do you think dreams eventually come true?	it did for me!
Favorite fictional character?	hmmm... I can\'t think of anyone
Go to the movies or rent?	depends pag me budget, I\'d rather go for the BIG screen...
Have you ever moved?	country?... yup!
Have you ever stolen anything?	uhmm.....maybe... =)
How's the weather right now?	Humid & hot...
Last time you cut your hair?	last May
Last person you talked to on the phone?	My hubby
Last time you showered?	just 15 mins. ago...
Loud or soft music?	depends on my mood....If I\'m Mad i\'ll go for loud music...If I wanted to sleep...sympre soft music...love songs in particular
Mcdonalds or Burger King?	Mc Donalds
Night or day?	Hmmm.....
Number of pillows?	4
Piano or guitar?	guitar
Future job?	I dunno....sana sa HR naman....
Current job?	Admin. Asst.
Current love?	My Hubby
Current longing?	My Hubby....My friends way back in pinas
Current disappointment?	wala naman
Current annoyance?
Last thing you ate?	squid balls after that rice + tinolang manok naman
Last thing you bought?	clothes for my kiddos in pinas (christmas gifts)
Most recent thing you are looking forward to?	baby stuffs....I\'m xcited!
What are you hearing right now?	Radio dko lam song eh...
Plans for the weekend?	Weekend is over too bad!!! kakatamad syeetttt!
What did you do today?	sleep...eat...lay down...watch tv...tsk tsk tsk...not very productive huh!
Pick a lyric, any lyric or song?	love moves in mysterious ways
Pick a movie quote?	"you had me at hello!" =)

"BER"

O well, It's "BER" month again...time really flies so fast!!! gravveeeehhhh

BER month means my Birthday....waaaaaaaaaaa....madadagdagan na naman edad ko....nyahahaha I will be turning 26! ohmygas! 4 yrs to go and i'll be 30!!! huwat?! I wonder what my life would be that time...hmmmm...

BER month means...Halloween!!! I missed 4 yrs of Halloween and All Souls day in pinas! I missed the katatakutan while watching Magandang Gabi Bayan...Lighting candles outside our house...hearing the manang's carolling...about souls or something (I dunno what its called)...wearing RED nightdress para daw di lapitan ng mumo...hehe

BER means of course CHRISTMAS & NEW YEAR! haayyyy...I'll miss it again! Though my family are here my hubby is here but I can still feel a pang of sadness!!! iba pa din kase ang pasko sa pinas! I'll miss the simbang gabi...the bibingka & puto bungbong...lugaw sa madaling araw....*hinga malalim* and of course I'll miss all of my friends...I'll miss shopping, wrapping & giving gifts to all of my inaanak. I will miss all of them... I missed Christmas gimiks! I just missed everyone!


Ok enough of the drama...I just missed my Di b'coz today is his first day @ work and hindi pa kame nagkikita. I don't know ano oras ang out nya, di kase sya binigyan ng sched agad eh!

Pag Dalaga ka ang tanong sayo "MAY BF ka na ba?"
Pag sumagot ka ng wala pa ang tanong sayo "BAKET wala pa?"

Pag May BF ka naman ang tanong sayo "kelan ka MAG-AASAWA?"
pag sinagot mo ng ewan mo pag sasabihan ka ng "nasa RIGHT age ka na naman ha?!"

Pag may ASAWA ka naman ang tanong sayo (partikular sa mga wala pang anak)" Baket wala pa kayong anak"
Pag sumagot ka ng ewan mo tatanungin ka ng"Ayaw mo pa bang magka-anak"


Hayyy ang olabs ng mundo noh!? ang daming tanong....

Wala lang...wala lng akong magawa.

Cry

Today I cried a lot..I don't know...PMS maybe or I just feel really bad! so bad that even @ work I cried. One officemate of mine noticed me and asked me if something's wrong or something bad happened to me...I just said that I only have colds...and I don't even looked @ him in the eye.... I know I can't hide it 'coz I AM really crying...duh!!! having colds is very different from having SWOLLEN eyes!!!

Oh well, it's b'coz of some petty quarels that my hubby & I had! ( oh well, I can't tell it to you, OK?!...it's just between him & me...SORRY!)

But good thing is we compromise after. And that's all that matters! and we're ok now...Guess di mawawala ung tampo sa buhay mag asawa!!!

System Time: 10:09pm

"People that are meant to be together always find their way in the end"...

that's what Fate & Destiny is!!!

... Like what happened to US!

Quiet Moments

Being alone and quiet once in a while is not bad at all...but it's difficult though especially, if you really wanna speak up your mind!...

And yeah, isn't it bad to be silent when there's no reasons?! Your mouth just don't want to open as if it is glued!

Oh well, can anybody hear me now?!

I'M BACK!!!

Yeah I haven't abandoned my blog yet...I just don't have time for it. You see I just came from vacation 3 weeks back, got married and all....hehehe...
My vacation was really a blast!!!

I just wanna share some pics on THE BIG DAY!!!

I'll post some pic during our pre-nup & honeymoon sometime if I got a chance.







The Wedding thingy



















I'm already preparing @ 5:30 IN THE MORNING!!!














On my Wedding Gown! whew! =)





















the train! =P
So difficult to manage but love it though



















I so love this shot!!! so Dramatic...




















Finally!!! hehe

Despedida De Soltera

....I can't believe na magkakaron ako ng gantong party...wahahaha...pero in fairness ANG SAYA ha!!! dameng regalo eh...hehe I really enjoyed it a lot! I enjoyed those "naughty" games that we had esp. the "pin the penis" game...hahaha...ang galing ko pala ma-ngapa! PANALO!!! bwahehe...and the marshmallow & banana thingy...kaya lang too bad I didn't won those 2 games! wla tuloy akong prize...hehe

~MY GIFTS~














(for a clearer view)


Tita Myra's gift---cute ung pink... ]

[ Tita Cynthia's gift---- pamunas ko daw ng laway, pawis @ kung ano2 pa!..hehe]

[ Ate Ghie's gift--- G-string undies!!! ]

[ Abhie's gift--- cute nighties! hmm...sana lang magkaron ako ng guts isuot to..hehe, super seducing eh!]

[Ate Jane's gift----T-back! hehe...collector na ata ako ng T-back eh! lasy thingy is cute though]

[Ate Norleen's gift----para daw "after" ma-relax ung katawan ko...*winks]

[Ate Ivy's gift--- pagkapaligo ko daw neto...GO agad! bwahehe]

[Tita Tess's Gift---cute huh!]

How will I ever let go a person who's been a very part of me???
How will I ever stop the pain I'm feeling???
How will I stop tears from falling???...When I will stop shedding tears???
How can I smile without you???
Why can't you make my life complete???
I hate you to death but I love you with all my heart!!!

YOU

I miss YOU but you never knew...
I love YOU but you just can't feel it...
I hurt for YOU...
I would cry for YOU...
I don't wanna lose YOU...
I care for YOU a lot...
I'm happy for YOU...
YOU never knew YOU're hurting me too...
I will always ran to YOU...
YOU taught me the meaning of happiness & sadness...
of pain & healing...of love & hate...
YOU made my life complete...
YOU always listen...and I always give in.
YOU & me are opposites...but WE'RE perfect for each other.

BLISS

ewwwwwww........ANG SAYA-SAYA KO....hehehehe

WE WON 1st price sa contest!!! worth of ****drum rolling****

$5,000!!! hmmm...san ko kya pede gamitin yon..kc actually, di naman transaferable to cash...pero pede na pan-shopping! hehe..tamang tama mag babaksyon na ko this coming MAY!!! yahuuuuuuu!!!

GOD IS REALLY REALLY GOOD! hayyyyy... kita mo nga naman of all "my reklamo's" he has something naman pala for me! HE made me feel better totally!

THANK YOU LORD!!! =D (sorry for all the reklamo) */me yuko ulo

I'm tired of everything that has been happening lately...don't know what's goin on with me...
I'm tired of hurting...
I'm tired of pain...
I'm tired of thinking...
I'm tired of me hiding my feelings!...
I'm tired of "explaining" things...
arggghhh... it just kills me!
People may see me strong when actually I am the most weakest of the weak!!!
I just felt so misunderstood...
I felt that nobody's listening...
nobody sees me!
nobody knew me!...the REAL me!
I'm so tired of feeling all of these! *GOD help!*

I'm such a coward!

I don't know how it started...I just woke up one day and VIOLA!!! I'm feeling all of these! all emotions kept pouring in...It's so hard! even harder than I expected! I can't even handle my own self now...F**k!
Good thing is I'm good at wearing MASK. Thanks for that "gift".

But I'm tired!

I wanted to scream as hard as I can...run as fast as I can...


uhmm....GOD what's the sense of me being a Psychologist?!



Current song: Warrior is a child

Lately I've been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazingI'm strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of meI'm hiding all the tears

Chorus:
They don't know that I come running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while(Look up for His smile)
'Coz deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child (Aahhh)
Unafraid because His arrow is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazingI never face retreat, oh no
But they don't see the enemies
That lay me at His feet

Chorus:
They don't know that I come running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while(Look up for His smile)
'Coz deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child (Aahhh)
They don't know that I come running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while(Look up for His smile)
'Coz deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child (Aahhh)

Dr. Phil

Syettt...I think I need to see Dr. Phil T_T
Napanood ko kase sya...DANG! na "struck" ako sa kanya! Ang galing!

Kung ako cguro yung client nya naku...ewan ko na lang...cguro nanigas nako...hehehe
kase ba naman pinapanood ko pa lang noh...lahat ng sinasabi nya swak n swak sa mga client nya...
nakakaiyak pa yung dialogue nya "I'M NOT GONNA HATE YOU...I'M GONNA HELP YOU!"

Siya kaya may problema din kaya sya */hmmm curious lang
kase diba ang dami na nyang hina-handle na problema...yung sariling problema kya nya naha-handle pa kaya nya...di kaya sya naaburido sa buhay nya? */me isip (nakakarelate ba ko jan!)
kase sa totoo lang ANG HIRAP MAGING "SPONGE"!!!

hay naku ever relate talaga ko ha..hehehe

But I really admire him ang galing talaga!!! hayyy...when am I gonna meet him!?!

sana bawat buhok na nalalagas...
sana kasama don ang mga problema ko...
ang mga iniisip ko...

Pakiramdam ko habang humahaba buhok ko...
humahaba din problema ko... T_T
magpakalbo na lang din kaya ako?! */me isip
hmmmmm......

WCG 510

howel....the car! baw!

So many memries' tsk tsk tsk...
so many gimiks....
so many "kalokohans"...

It didn't change AT ALL...maliban sa owner....well, doesn't matter. Nung nakita ko lang may mga bagay lang akong naalala =' (
*/me naiiyak naiiyak
(nakaw lang 'tong pic actually..hehe wag kayong maingay!)

tsk tsk tsk....the car baw!

"Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too---even when you're in the dark. Even when you're falling"

~Tuesday with Morrie~

Anger Management

argggghhhhh......hanuvah!!!! nagdududgo na utak ko kakaisip......AYOKO NA!!!
sabayan pa ng ama ko....haaayyyyyy....
ANO BA'TONG NARARAMDAMAN KO!!! nakakainis na...gusto ko na sumabog!!!! hangsakit sa ulo!
daming tumatakabo sa utak ko...
ikaw!
ako!
tayo!
siya!
sila!
lahat sila!
buong mundo na nga ata...
hayyyy......*/me hinga malalim

pero in fairness ha sa tanang buhay ko ngayon lang me nag-isip ng ganito...siguro kaya ganito kase hindi ako sanay...dahil sa tanang buhay ko hindi pa ko na mroblema ng problema kaya hindi ako sanay....waaaaaa.... (hehe, natawa ko sa sinabi ko ha!)
you know "the-happy-go-lucky" type of girl...I miss my old self *sniff* *sniff*
I miss being worry free!!! I miss smiling "naturally" ung smile na totoo...yung hindi PLASTIK!

Hayyy...wala kase akong magawa...I was trapped (sa ganitong pagkakataon/ sa ganitong situwasyon)!!! parang lahat ng posible dati nagiging IMPOSIBLE ngayon! hayyy...where is the old me?! */me takip mukha
may gusto kaseng akong gawing mga bagay-bagay pero HINDI KO MAGAWA!!! may gusto akong makita pero hanggang PANAGINIP lang sila! */me inhale-exhale

*/ me inhale-exhale uli (habang kumakain ng ice cream) baka sakali maging COOL uli ako!

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

hanggang dito na lang muna nilalamig na kase ko sa ice cream na kinain ko...pero mainit pa din ang ulo ko! mwahehe.....shaks!!! I think I need a Psychatrist!!! watcha think?! =P

Sana lang LORD maging OK pa din ang lahat! May your will be done!

It's a SIGN!!!

system time 7:40pm

shaks!!! I ask for a sign last night...I've asked for a butterfly...kase nainggit ako ke Rustom sa PBB...tsaka I wanna try If signs are for real nga...so there nga dibuh...
tas kanina while I was brushing my teeth (sa bathroom)...napati-ngala ako and I saw this very tiny creature =)









akala ko nga patay (na nakadikit sa pader)...kase di siya gumagalaw...pero nung ginalaw ko sya lumipad naman!!!
GOD is this the sign na hinihingi ko...hehehe...if so, then, OK na! no questioning anymore!
I asked for a butterfly kase napaka rare ng butterfly dito, and HINDI sa loob ng bahay huh!...I was expecting sana sa labas..kaya lang naisip cguro NYA na baka di ko mapansin pag sa labas @ makalimutan ko na humingi nga pala ko sign...hehe
and I never thought na ganito kabilis yung sagot NYA!...*/me iyak (tears of joy)

GOD is really good! =)
now mejo I'm feeling ok na...
Thank you po!

Shopaholic Ties the Knot

Just finished reading that book...ahh....ang galing nung ending...with all the struggles sa wedding preps it ends up well & perfect pa rin...Cguro nga I just have to do the things I REALLY WANTED...I just have to decide what's good & what's best for me...hehehe (Am I talking serious here?!) Na inspired lang talaga ko =P

But I get jealous sa ending...*/ me imagine
kase ba naman yung honeymoon nila they'll travel ALL OVER THE WORLD!!! gawd!!! sana magawa din namen yon */me imagine uli... yung kameng 2 lang. hmmm.....I wonder *winks*

I was thinking na nga of Honeymoon spot...should we go abroad (HK particularly, pinakamadali kase puntahan eh) or sa aking motherland??? (particulary beach resort, the ever popular BORA, bohol or palawan) hehehe nasa honeymoon na agad utak ko...eh wala pa nga kameng na preprepare about the wedding talaga! F***k!


"jitter" is attacking again.....arggggghhh...But i'll try to relax...*/me inhale-exhale...
ayoko nga magka-lines! hehe

My Escape!

These stuff are my "friends" pag may sapot ang utak ko...
@ least kahit sandali nakakalimot ako...hehe (great escapist buh!)

With books kase gumagana ang imaganitaion ko and the "sapot" disappear even for a while...(BUT with regards to the book that I was reading lalo ako nagkaka "jitter" @ the same time na-e-excite sa wedding plus the PRESSURE hehe)...
and yeah, I still have 4 more batches of books to read after this one!!!
I'm looking forward na sa mga yon!

With my i-pod naman, well, kakawala din ng problema...
kaka-relax, especially pag FULL volume yung tipong mababasag na yung eardrum ko sa sobrang lakas..haha
(relaxing para sakin bakit buh!) =P And I never ever listen to senti songs or love songs! er... baka lalo ako mabaliw...so, para OK I only listen to somekind of "Angsty" songs...

With the mixed of both...MAS OK!!! wala na kaseng paglalagyan yung iisipin ko...bwahahaha...So, ginagawa ko sila usually ng sabay =) listening at the same time reading!!! Kase I found out that it is very effective eh....hehe
So whenever you see me like that..alam nyo na kung bakit!

Senti

gusto kong

umiyak

pero walang

luhang pumapatak.

gusto kong

sumigaw

pero wala na

rin namang magagawa.

gusto kong

magalit

pero para ano pa?

at bakit pa?

Ang hirap mag-panggap

na hindi ako nasasaktan.

Ang hirap isipin

na wala lang para

sa akin ang lahat.

Ang hirap gawin

na kalimutan ang

lahat-lahat.

Aleck 'D Girl! in PBB

ah...I know this is no new anymore..but I just wanna post it anyways... =)

I really admire lang kase Aleck Bovick...Ang TAPANG nya MAG PA SHAVE as in shave ng kanyang hair! in leiu of Ph 100,000! kahit na dibuh! Ako, I don't really actually know If i can ever do that! hehe...

And we all know that she's a "BI" pero kahit na dibuh?! err..... kung may big "C" pa cguro ok lng, kc may excuse bat kalbo..haha whatever!

Oh well, here she is "BEFORE":




inside the PBB House








And here she is NOW!






Back view

















Front View....









Sorry about the pics...it's not that clear! hehe,,, I just used my camera phone eh...

So un lang...